Competition and failure

Hello!!! And welcome to Madding Slowly, the part of my blog where I yap about something that I feel I have to get out of my head, or if not, I'll become crazy (a bit of dramatism). But first of all, how are you? For me, life has been so confusing currently, like I've gotten pretty good news, but I feel a bit off.

It's just a lot to say in one post, but let me tell you some great news. I've gotten into the physics olympics HELL FUCKING YEAH!!! It's a competition in physics (which I don't know anything about yet, but my previous knowledge helped me get in). I am excited, but it's just a little bit bittersweet. I've always been a math girl, well, not always. Let me tell you a short story. In 4th grade, I was about to lose because it was pandemic times and I was so lazy, inmature and more (it's a cringe era for me). So this Teacher told me I'm going to give you a second chance to help you pass the grade, and that was my motivation since then. He was my math teacher, he helped me love math and understand it, and with that I became more applied into my studies. That's probably why I love math. It's sort of nerdy, but it shows me that I can achieve things and be someone, like there's always a solution even when I can't see it. 

But my problem arises when I entered the math olympics in 7th and 8th grade. I had so much hope, and losing made me feel so disappointed, so lost. Like as much as I loved math, I wasn´t ever going to be enough, be one of the greats. I could be good at it, but never the best, and that made me feel horrible. Having something you love so much become a sort of weapon because of a competition. I am indeed competitive, but I just felt drowned. I know a medal doesn't define me or a score, but how can I when the whole system tells me that that is my value? If I am not succesful then who am I? It's ironic when you think about that I try to not fit the system. What I am trying to say it's sometimes competition takes more than it gives you if you don't administer it well. I know I am the problem here, but I just sort of feel like I have distanced myself a bit from math because of the reminder that I am not enough. I will and have to fix my relationship with competition. I know I am sensitive, so it doesn't help, and hopefully, I become a better competitor. I think these experiences have also helped me with that, but I just need another lesson lol. Thank you for reading, as always, love youu, your dearest not at all Silvia.

WTF is up with couples nowadays

Hello!!! And welcome to Madding Slowly. How are you doing? Well, I honestly have had better days, but yeah, it's okay. So february the month of love, and especially when we're just one day away from the 14th.

In my school, we celebrated valentines day today. It was good, but what in the actual fuck is up with couples? I have two great examples, so I have this friend named Dylan, he has this girlfriend, and well, until today, I saw something wrong about it. I know that when you're in love, you're blind. Believe me, I've been in that situation. But what happened is that we had this disco and she broke up with him, he was crying in the class just for them to be posting on insta storys I LOVE YOUU, MY WOMAN, and you know that type of stuff. Like, wtf didn't you broke up with him for a reason? Like I had my relationship and have watched other relationships, and the problems just don't disappear out of thin air. You're literally playing with the other person's feelings; you're supposed to care about them. And yeah, I am not them, but I have another example.

There's this other couple that has gotten back together three times that I have knowledge of. I was close with the boy, but let's just say a lot of stuff happened, and now the girlfriend hates me, and well, I lost a friendship, so I'm not very fond of her. So I, the person who doesn't get into a lot of gossip and really doesn't care has known of three breakups at least in a year, for me, that is not love. Trust me when I love, I care, and I know my feelings. I think that if you're going to break up with someone and get backtogether JUST DON'T BREAK UP AT ALL. Of course, if there is a problem, you should talk about it and discuss it. Arguments are fine; you can't always agree on everything, and you shouldn't. It's like living in a world without sad moments. How can you appreciate happiness without knowing pain? Tho I have to say people are different, and well, I am not everyone, and I don't know anything, it's just my opinion, although I just don't think you should be breaking up like how you change your clothes. As always, thank you for reading your dearest, not at all, Silvia.

Latinos thoughts

 Hello!! Welcome to Madding Slowly. The segment where I talk about anything that bothers me. But first of all, how are you? Well, currently I've been pretty freaking well, but I feel I have to talk about this important subject. Latinamerica. 

Today was the Super Bowl, or "El super tazón" in Spanish. I liked the presentation of Bad Bunny; it was perfect, and I loved the representation. I'd like to say that Fuck ICE, and it's pretty ironic and racist that the United States of America has always been a country of inmigrants the only "natives" are the tribes that existed before the colonization. Literally, Christians (if I'm wrong, please correct me, I'm pretty sure it is) asked for permission from the British Crown to immigrate to the colonies, so if you think you're native just because you're white dude, read a history book, please. Literally one of the founding fathers of usa (because it is NOT AMERICA, America is the whole continent from Greenland all the way to Chile) was an immigrant, Alexander Hamilton was from the Caribbean area.

Us latinos don't want to leave our countries to steal your jobs or do bad stuff. We're looking for better opportunities. Because let's be serious, our countries are bullshit. Governments are corrupt, and they don't care about their people. We are the ones who need to look out for each other. Might be that it's the reason we're so close. Believe me, I felt today the power of the people, the love for our own kind. Seeing him on that stage and all of those Latinos dancing and all of the elements that represent us as Latinos was amazing. Just supporting him by watching, shows that we care about, and we protect our people because if we don't, who will?

Nowadays, where life seems so cruel to see your people, and other people outside your culture being mistreated just because they weren't born there, and just because of the idea that white people are superior, it's so overwhelming. Truly, territories, discrimination, and more are human concepts, and when we understand that I am no different from you and that other things are more important than money, land, citizenship, etc. Is when we're going to evolve and create greater things. The change starts with you. And just showing love when all you see is coldness and indifference, it's a major change. Thank you for reading and sending lots of love, your dearest writer, not at all Silvia.