New situationsip 1.01

 Hello!!! And welcome to Madding Slowly, feat oversharing my own boring life. But first, how are you doing? Well, I am doing pretty fucking well. Turns out, at my friend's quinceañera party, there was this tall, curly, brunette boy whom I fancied, and yesterday he, one of his friends, my friend, and I went out to rollerskate. I fell twice, I was so ashamed and nervous because it was my first date ever. 

I had a boyfriend over a year ago, but you know, stuff happened, and we broke up. And now I feel ready to start something new. I've healed my scars and all of that stuff. But the curious part there's still a remnant of your past experiences with love. You start to kind of compare, or at least for me, that's the case. I really cared about my ex, but now I don't feel the desire of wanting to get back with him.  It's just so weird to "get back in the game". I am not very good at sharing my emotions and thoughts; I share, but I still keep a pretty big part of them in me. And now, at the possibility of having a relationship with this person, I need to open up and trust. But I just feel so weird. I tend to overthink, like yesterday was our first conversation, and now I am thinking of a relationship. Does he even like me? Like, I know I am average at least, so no problem with the looks, but in the personality, I am okay?, and God, I hate my body.  But my friend told me he was into me. And it seems likewise. 

We hugged, and I guess we flirted. We bothered each other and laughed. And in the end, shared a little kiss on the cheek. ( I felt he was so nervous to do that). To be pretty honest, I felt so happy. He bought me a Coke and some Pringles. (I've always joked that when a guy bought me those things, that'll be my soulmate, Ik so silly) So yeah, it seems pretty great, and now I am imagining fake scenarios of us together. It is intense, but I've had a crush on this guy since November, and just kind of stalked his social media because hell yeah, he is handsome and so my type. He's silly, and I laughed a lot really, I hate him. Well, not actually, but you know the feeling. I just want to talk to him again and re-live what happened yesterday, holding hands, him grabbing me so I wouldn't fall, and hugging. God, even now I am smiling.  It is so cliché. Now we're talking and joking around via chat. I really want to see him again. So yeah, this is the end of cringe in love, your dearest not at all Silvia, thank you for reading. 

Too much

Hii!! Welcome to Madding Slowly, the section where I literally talk about everything and nothing. Well, hello there, how are you? Honestly, today I feel like too much. You know those times when nobody understands you? Sometimes, I even feel like the people I call "friends" don't get me. Like, I am too much. And I know that I tend to exaggerate stuff because I get way too excited, or it's one of my obsessions, and I just end up feeling so weird with weird looks around me. People tend to like me, but at some point, they get tired of me, like a song you like at first, but it keeps on playing, and you get sick of it. 

It all started in my childhood. I remember the weird looks with my family, and it's surprising how even years after, I still feel the same. Too much like I cover a space I shouldn't or that I am crazy for feeling just way too much. But I just can't help it, I feel a lot. Like today, for example, I introduced my family to the movie called Whiplash ( if you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it). The first time I watched it, I fell in love with it. Like everything, the cinematic, music, and the obsession of the characters, I truly felt it in my core. I believe it moved something in my heart Lol. See, even now I do it. But the thing is, I was telling my sister in the final scene, "See the tension of the characters, imagine being there, how they feel, the details, how the camera is placed E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G," and she would just say shut up, let me watch the movie. And yes, I know it was a lot, but I just felt it. Experiences, words, movies, people, the freaking environment, I feel it all. Might be that this is the reason why I shut up most of the time when I am with my friends, and just think, so I don't cover space.

People tend to act cool, like nothing bothers them, but I just care too much, and it is so fucking weird. And yeah, I know people will tell you nooo it's okay you have to express yourself,  how can I when every time you tell me to stop? To stop being so emotional. I wonder if I'll ever feel normal, but at the same time, that weirdness in me makes me special, and I like getting out of the norm, just not some of the outcomes of it. Well, that is the rant of today. Thank you for reading. Sincerely, your dearest, not at all Silvia.

New Gen and the feeling of Nostalgia and Emptiness

Hello!! Soo this will be my first post ever. Now I'm not so sure about how to use this, so if it's ugly, you have every right to criticize, lol.  Now let's get into the topic of today that my first person in singular grammatically feels the neeeeed to rant about. Lately, I've felt that I'm not using my time properly, like I'm not living the "Golden years" as it's supposed to be. My knees still work, and you know stuff like that. The things adults typically say, so you live your life to the fullest. 

Trust me, I wish I were an 80s kid to be a teen in the 90s, and I know I know nowadays we have a looot of beneficial things, just now I am listening to Tyler, The Creator (love his music btw). However, my problem is that all day is spent watching TikTok, and yes, my FYP is filled with history and data, as well as future interests, and I have great grades (which I still feel isn't enough, but that's a topic for the next post). But I just feel sooo empty, like I tried "quitting" TikTok, but I didn't want the strikes with my friends to end, and yes, I have other hobbies like guitar, which I'm learning, and I'm trying to start volunteering to at least bring something good to this world and so much more stuff that I am looking forward to or already do. But other than that, it's just coming home from school, sleep, TikTok, stress, homework, eat, and sleep again. The definition of boring. It's literally the reason the blog started, so my life could be at least a little bit more interesting and not just filled with short videos that oversaturate your brain with doses of dopamine like a drug. 

My parents tell me well, at your age I started to work and blah blah blah. You see their albums filled with pictures that, for a reason, make you nostalgic as you start to idealize the past. Trust me, my best friend Andrea and I have the same feeling. That's why might be at school, you'll see us running around in circles just to create a new memory of us together, something that makes you feel alive, untangible but beautiful. There's so much out there to explore to fight for, and I just feel like I can't do it all. I know I have potential, but would there be a world for me to grow up in? How many years do we have to be alive? I just want to live my life to the fullest, to bring something good into the world, and be a good person. But this world ain't like my parents at my age. Now we get excited over a text or a like from the person we like. Is just Empty.

In conclusion, to make this short because I know your attention span is reallyy bad. In my personal and totally right (insert sarcasm) opinion, we feel this nostalgia and emptiness for old times because we don't really have much time to create "real" connections, or at least that's what I feel. But I will encourage you to try to create new memories, and believe me, they don't need to be that extraordinary. My dearest memory with my best friend Andrea is just running around while it was raining and sing singin' in the Rain and just not give an F about it. And just as how the person a Nun prays to Adios.